You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
