WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
