Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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