i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
