i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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