I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
