i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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