He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
