Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Randomize
