I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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