dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
