I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
