I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
