Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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