Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
