hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Randomize
