PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
