Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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