Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
