Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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