new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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