he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
