i barfeds in our rink
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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