dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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