One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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