i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
