Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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