i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
