I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
My bed smells like the plague
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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