PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
You took a bar mat shot.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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