Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
