Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
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I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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