Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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