she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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