U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
