you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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