so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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