I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
