Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
