My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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