I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Randomize
