Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
