The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
