You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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