I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Randomize
