shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I have feelings that need drinking.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
