Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
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