she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I need a beard to bite.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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