i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize