there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
