I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
