Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Randomize
