my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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