perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
