I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
