She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.