Dude my mom stole all your condoms
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit