i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??