its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
