What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
My ATM looks so different sober.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Randomize