And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Randomize
