I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
