tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
