his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
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