Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
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We can get drunk and battle coyotes
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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