none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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