kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Randomize
