Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
