It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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