My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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