Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
