She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
