Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Randomize
