a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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