Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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