How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
